Hi, I'm ava rose.

• explore 'happens for a reason (everything)'

• explore 'where we go'

• explore 'heaven sent'

• explore '24 (living room demo)'

• explore 'the current'

• explore 'puppet show'

• explore '630'

• explore 'living alone'

• explore '23'

• explore 'interlude'

• explore 'welcome to the party'

• explore 'white flag'

• explore 'wanted posters'

• explore 'perspectives'

• explore 'i'm not okay'

• explore 'concave (once more)'

• explore 'truth be told'

lyrics

I’ve been wondering, wondering what it feels like
To own my skin, something’s crawling and it don’t feel right
Thought I found my home but I don’t like the way the walls are paintedI’ve been curious, curious of all I’ve known
All these changes, ever since I moved in years ago,
Used to be my home but now this place just feels taintedAnd I hate the idea of living inside my head
Wish I could buy a one-way ticket out of here insteadI always asked if there’s something wrong with me,
‘Cause there’s rooms in here that I wish never came to be
If only there was a place outside to roam
I walk into the kitchen and it’s burning down,
My bedroom furniture is all sprawled around
This house still don’t quite feel like a home
I hate living here, ‘cause it means I’m living aloneI’ve been thinking, thinking about all these empty rooms
Piled high with packed boxes that still feel too soon,
This was once my home, but now I barely recognize itAnd I hate the idea of living inside my head
Wish I could buy a one-way ticket out of here insteadI always asked if there’s something wrong with me,
‘Cause there’s rooms in here that I wish never came to be
If only there was a place outside to roam
I walk into the kitchen and it’s burning down,
My bedroom furniture is all sprawled around
This house still don’t quite feel like a home
I always asked if there’s something wrong with me
‘Cause there’s rooms in here that I wish never came to be
If only there was a place outside to roam
I walk into the kitchen and it’s burning down
My bedroom furniture is all sprawled around
This house still don’t quite feel like a home
I hate living here, ‘cause it means I’m living alone

• 'wanted posters' ->

lyrics

Age 16 I committed to the bit
Thought it was where I was meant to be
So I ran after it
So much changed along the way
My friends left town for new chapters
And I stayedBeen walking these crop circles spring, summer, fall
Like something's gonna change at the end of it all
They say insanity is doing the same thing again
Expecting something different to come at the endSo I guess I'm wayward bound
Been going for so long now
That my legs are giving out
All I was wishing for was answers
Something to guide me along
As I reread every single old chapterAnd I've been walking these crop circles spring, summer, fall
Like something's gonna change at the end of it all
They say insanity is doing the same thing again
Expecting something different to come at the endI think that I've lost my mind
And I don't think that I'll find it
Been chasing after it for miles and miles
But it keeps getting further away
And I don't think I'll make my way back
It's been hours since I even veered off the tracks
Years since anything's felt in place
Kept searching for who I was
But the wanted posters…I'm becoming acquainted with feeling so lost
Losing yourself comes bearing heavy costs
There's not a thing I wouldn't do
To find who I amI think that I've lost my mind
And I don't think that I'll find it
Been chasing after it for miles and miles
But it keeps getting further away
And I don't think I'll make my way back
It's been hours since I even veered off the tracks
Years since anything's felt in place
Kept searching for who I was
But the wanted posters wear a different face

• <- 'living alone'

• '23' ->

lyrics

Today I turn twenty-three
And I haven’t got a thing figured out
I was under the impression by now I’d know who I’m to be
But all I’ve got is buckets of self-doubtI’ve already shed a couple tears
I guess you’d say I’m off to a great start
I thought this was the beginning of all my golden years
But I guess I must’ve blinked at the best partThey say your twenties is where it all comes together
I’m still waiting for that to come to be
Twenty-one and twenty-two were fine, average at best most of the time
But I’ve been banking on turning twenty-threeToday I turn twenty-three
And I’ve been waiting to see what’s in store
In my mind, I think I pictured things a little bit differently
I guess I’ll try behind another doorRight now I’m trapped in my own head
While I should be out drinking at the bar
Birthdays are times to celebrate
Not drown in worry over your fate
Wish twenty-five still felt pretty farThey say your twenties is where it all comes together
I’m still waiting for that to come to be
Twenty-one and twenty-two were fine, average at best most of the time
But I’ve been banking on turning twenty-threeToday I turned twenty-three
And I haven’t gotten used to getting old
This isn’t what I had planned for my own journey
Maybe I’ll keep breaking from the mold

• <- 'wanted posters'

• 'perspectives' ->

lyrics

I wake up from a dream to find my greatest nightmare
The moment I open my eyes
I hate to meet the morning and attempt to withstand
How I lost my mind's disguiseSome days I’m at the top
Never gonna stop
Making my mark
And then the rest of them
I fight through hell
To try and find that sparkMy own perspective has gotten foggy these days
I don’t hold an ounce of power
I’m lucky if I have a chance to get lost in the gaze
Like I’ve climbed the top of my own towerI spend half my days
Feeling okay
And the others feeling like a sham
Am I out of my mind
Wishing I could find
Who the hell I think I amMy own perspective has gotten foggy these days
I don’t hold an ounce of power

• <- '23'

• 'interlude' ->

lyrics

I’ve been trying
To say what’s on my mind
But it’s taken quite a lot of time
But I think I’ve found my chance toIn every song
Words fall right off of my tongue
Never spoken only ever sung
The only way I’ve been able toBut it wears thin
Only showing in what’s written
Held tightly in the cracks of my skin
Deadbolt locked on every doorNever learned why
My thoughts keep floating on through the sky
Words never making it quite as high
They remain scrambled on the floorIt’s heavy
Holding on something so heavy
In fear the song isn’t ready
I’ll break before I ever bendBeen on my feet
Tracing the same circles on repeat
Trying not to miss a single beat
While my heart keeps playing pretend

• <- 'perspectives'

• 'i'm not okay' ->

lyrics

I'm not okay
But how many times will I say
That I'm good, doing fine
That everything's alright
When the truth is
I'm not okayMy friends, they'll ask me about my week
But I don't have the heart to tell 'em
So I'll just say it was bleak
Anything I'd say they won't wanna hear
How can you tell someone that
Your best night was the one without tearsAnd I wish I knew how to articulate
That things haven't been going that great
But I can't seem to find a wayI'm not okay
But how many times will I say
That I'm good, doing fine
That everything's alright
When the truth is
I'm not okay
The words won't come out that way
I actually lied
I'm not really alright
And the truth is
I'm not okayPart of me feels like I've been trying to hide
I closed every curtain, locked every door
To try and protect my pride
I never learned how to let anyone in
I hid the keys at the bottom
Of my biggest storage binAnd I wish I knew how to articulate
That things haven't been going that great
But I can't seem to find a wayI'm not okay
But how many times will I say
That I'm good, doing fine
That everything's alright
When the truth is
I'm not okay
The words won't come out that way
I actually lied
I'm not really alright
And the truth is
I'm not okay
I'm not okay
But how many times will I say
I'm good, doing fine
Everything's alright
And the truth is
I'm not okay
But the words won't come out that way
I actually lied
I'm not really alright
And the truth is
I'm not okay

• <- 'interlude'

• 'welcome to the party' ->

lyrics

I don’t know how to feel
I can’t find the words
How do you reason with reality
When there isn’t a cure
I don’t know, I don’t know, I don’t know
I feel numbI don’t know what to think
There’s nothing in my mind
There isn’t a coherent thought
I could attempt to find
I don’t know, I don’t know, I don’t know
I feel numbI feel jaded
My heart and my mind
Are permanently separated
Is this what it’s like to be dissociated?I have nothing to say
The cat has got my tongue
Been drowning in this emptiness
If I could turn back, I’d run
I don’t know, I don’t know, I don’t know
I feel numbI am so deep in this apathy
Been losing sight of every self
That I thought I’d see
Not a single feeling left here to ground me
Welcome to the partyI feel jaded
My heart and my mind
Are permanently separated
Is this what it’s like to be dissociated?I am so deep in this apathy
I’m losing sight of every self
That I thought I’d see
Not a single feeling left here to ground me
Welcome to the party
Welcome to the party

• <- 'i'm not okay'

• 'concave (once more)' ->

lyrics

Been so lost ever since I lost you
Didn’t realize the hold you had on my heart
Still learning how to survive, it’s all new
Set my GPS to square one back at the startKeep catching memories like it was yesterday
But a memory is all it’ll ever be
Looking back, wondering if there was another way
But I guess you just weren’t meant for meAnd I’m picking up the pieces of a puzzle I’ve only seen as made
I dug so deep in my heart that you left me standing here, concaveIt’s clear that we are just not right for each other
Became evident time and time again
But that doesn’t mean that we weren’t destined for each other
It just meant that our story had to endAnd I’m picking up the pieces of a puzzle I’ve only seen as made
I dug so deep in my heart that you left me standing here, concaveThis was more than we ever bargained for
Trying to stay above the surface, barely reaching the floor
It’s for the best that we aren’t us anymore
Even though I wish that I could go back once moreMaybe in some life
You could’ve been mine
But I spent too many hours
Just trying to be fine
And I never thought
This much damage could be done
Now I’m walking away from the person
That I thought was the oneThis was more than we ever bargained for
Trying to stay above the surface, barely reaching the floor
It’s for the best that we aren’t us anymore
Even though I wish that I could go back once more

• <- 'welcome to the party'

• 'white flag' ->

lyrics

I go to bed so I don’t think about what you said last night
‘Cause if I stay awake one more minute it’ll consume my mind
And I know you didn’t mean for your words to linger around
But I’m convinced that when a tree falls there is always a soundWish I could manifest a backbone in the nick of time
Then maybe I’d see some truth in saying everything’s fine
But for now I’ll just keep carrying on this way
And maintain the mindset that tomorrow’s a new dayAnd every word I’ve ever heard has made a home in my heart
And every chance it gets it’s pulling me back to the start
They take form from yours and become my own
And they’re on repeat every single second I’m aloneI look in the mirror everything comes flooding back
It’s engrained deep in my brain, constantly under attack
And there’s no way that I’m escaping what’s been done
I concede, I wave my white flag while you’ve only begunIf only younger me had invested in thicker skin
She’d probably have set us forth in a better way to begin
I believed in a world where words don’t sharpen the blade
But I’ve yet to live in one where my heart hasn’t decayed

• <- 'concave (once more)'

• 'truth be told' ->

lyrics

Truth be told I don't know who I am
But I like to think I'm doing the best that I can
When I look in the mirror, I don't know what I see
I'd do anything to meet this new version of meTruth be told I wish I had answers
To all these questions piled in every chapter
Someone tell me there's a way out of here
In good time maybe, or I'll try again next yearTruth be told I'm an impostor in my own skin
My patience for growing is wearing very thin
If only there was guidance in all of this
Maybe at the end, there will be blissTruth be told I'm learning who I am
I'm starting to believe I'm doing as much as I can
When I look in the mirror, I'm starting to see
That I'm slowly finding this new version of me

• <- 'white flag'

• '630' ->

lyrics

Spent all last week packing up my childhood
All twenty-three years stacked up five feet high
Wish this part of life didn't have to end
Cause it's a wound I'll have to mend
As it's time for one last goodbyeIt breaks my heart just thinking about leaving
The only place that I've ever known
I'll paint my face with a smile
Leave it there for a little while
As I leave part of me in the 630The place I call home
The place I call homeHow can I say goodbye to my furry best friends
The ones that won't know me over FaceTime
Mom, I know you said I can come back
But I know you'll have a heart attack
When every other week I'm driving those twelve hoursThe place I call home
The place I call home
The place I call home
The place I call homeDidn't think I'd miss Midwest winters
Or have nothing to do
But drive around between Roosevelt and North Ave
Took leavin' to realize I cared
About this western suburb town
Now the memories are all I get to have
My car's packed up but my mind is the aftermathCause I'm missing home
I'm missing home
Yeah, I'm missing home
I'm missing home

• <- 'truth be told'

• 'heaven sent' ->

lyrics

I've been waiting for the moment
To let the fog clear out
For so long it wasn't leaving
And I learned to live in the cloudsAll my life I wandered incomplete
Without a map or route to take
Stumbled upon too many wrong turns
And I ended up at your gateAnd legend goes that when you know, you know
I never really understood quite what that meant
As you walked in, it felt like a knowing moment
Like it was destiny, and you're heaven sentYou were everything I needed
What I'd given up on finding
'Cause you dried up every river
To hear the words my heart sangAnd legend goes that when you know, you know
I never really understood quite what that meant
As you walked in, it felt like a knowing moment
Like it was destiny, and you're heaven sent

• <- '630'

• 'puppet show' ->

lyrics

I've been tracing back the time
Asking myself why
I've been running around
What's going on in your head
Do you love me or wish I was dead
Is my voice your least favorite soundWell, I've been asking why
Your mind is constantly wandering the sky
Questioning all that I've ever known
Is this reality or just my puppet showI don't know what's coming next
Did we give it all of our best
Or are we truly terminal
I don't know how to feel
What's changed and what's stayed real
Is your heart even half fullWell, I've been asking why
My mind keeps floating up to the sky
Questioning all that I've ever known
Is this reality or just our puppet show(Puppet show)
(Puppet show)
(Puppet show)
(Puppet show)Look at what we've done
Should I start to move on
How'd we get this so wrong
All we had is long goneI'm still asking why
Our minds ever even made it to the sky
Questioning all that I've ever known
Was it ever real or always a show

• <- 'heaven sent'

• '24 (living room demo)' ->

lyrics

Today I turn twenty-four
It's crazy how fast a year can fly by
Tried to cram in everything, ended up with next to nothing
My time was up in the blink of an eyeI've still got so much left to learn
Parts of myself I thought I'd figured out
This decade comes with a learning curve, and you never seem to shake the nerves
And the prettiest road is never the right routeThey say you twenties is where it all comes together
I'm still waiting for that to come to be
Thought I'd find myself at twenty-three, but I'm still on the hunt for me
Maybe twenty-four will be my twenty-threeToday I turn twenty-four
Still figuring out how to play my part
Starting to take it day by day, and waiting to see what comes my way
Writing these songs from the bottom of my heartI'm taking some weight off of my shoulders
Birthdays are to be enjoyed after all
No deadlines on my hopes and dreams, just leaning into what feels like me
Climbing the mountain that's always felt too tallThey say you twenties is where it all comes together
I'm still waiting for that to come to be
Thought I'd find myself at twenty-three, but I'm still on the hunt for me
Maybe twenty-four will be my twenty-threeToday I turned twenty-four
Feels weird to say that I'm getting old
This year I wasn't dealt quite the cards that I was looking for
But this isn't a hand that I'm ready to fold

• <- 'puppet show'

• 'where we go' ->

lyrics

We're flying, going 45 inside your old Corolla
Tellin' me how he hurt you, and forgot all that I told ya
You were singing the feelings your heart knows so well
I turn it up at every track so you're still free to yell
As we're sailing over every bump in all of these back roads
You're making only right turns to see where this goes
I glance over to you from the passenger seat
As I realize how bad this is where we needed to beWho knows where we may go
Only we, only we'll ever knowWe're running out of songs on our therapy playlist
As I'm venting to you about how terrible this day's been
"Champagne Problems" fades into the background
As my voice slowly takes its place in surround sound
We wind up in the parking lot of our old school
Reminiscing 'bout the days back when we thought we were cool
Rewinding all our stories as we slowly fall apart
Skipping ahead to present tense, How'd we get where we areWho knows where we may go
Only we, only we'll ever know
Maybe someday, maybe we'll figure it out
Until then, this is where we scream and shoutWho knows where we may go
Only we, only we'll ever know
I know someday, we'll figure it out
Until then, we'll scream and shout

• <- '24 (living room demo)'

• 'the current' ->

lyrics

I thought that you would be the one sleeping next to me at night
Telling you you're wrong for argument sake even when you're right
But now you're gone
I had the perfect picture painted of everything I thought we'd be
I'd make a copy at the locksmith of my apartment key
But now you're goneOhhh I don't know how I'm supposed to recover
And fall into the arms of anotherThen I fell in love with someone who was everything you weren't
I learned to ride the wave and now I'm floating with the current
I'm halfway down the shore
Don't know who I was before
He wears his heart out on his sleeve more than you ever would
He takes care of me better than I ever thought you could
Washing up on the beach
And it feels like home to meI had it mapped out, a perfect fnatasy of five-year and forever plans
But it didn't seem to align with the cards that were dealt to our hands
And now you're goneOhhh I don't know how I'm supposed to recover
And fall into the arms of anotherThen I fell in love with someone who was everything you weren't
I learned to ride the wave and now I'm floating with the current
I'm halfway down the shore
Don't know who I was before
He wears his heart out on his sleeve more than you ever would
He takes care of me better than I ever thought you could
Washing up on the beach
And it feels like home to meLa da di da di da da da da da da da di da da
La da di da da da da da da da da da di da da
La da da da da da
La di da da da da daI fell in love with someone who was everything you weren't
I learned to ride the wave and now I'm floating with the current
I'm halfway down the shore
Don't know who I was before

• <- 'where we go'

• 'happens for a reason (everything)' ->

lyrics

some days are better than others
but the worst ones never seem to end
they come one after another
so don't break where you can bendthey say everything happens for a reason
and if you blink, you just might miss the whole thing
and feelings change more often than the seasons
so wait and see what winter will bring
who knows, it just might
change everythingpeople come, and people go
but the right ones will stick around
sometimes it feels like you're all alone
but you're only lost until you're foundthey say everything happens for a reason
and if you blink, you just might miss the whole thing
and feelings change more often than the seasons
so wait and see what winter will bring
who knows, it just might
change everythingnothing truly lasts forever
it's always gone in the blink of any eye
all we can do is cherish the moment
before it floats away, no goodbyethey say everything happens for a reason
and if you blink, you just might miss the whole thing
and feelings change more often than the seasons
so wait and see what winter will bring
who knows, it just might
change everything

• <- 'the current'

• what's up next ->